The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
