they need to just BURY HIM!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
