Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
