Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
