I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
