No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Terrible idea I love it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
