I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
