i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
