Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
