I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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