Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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