Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
