I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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