All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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