whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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