Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
