Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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