i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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