the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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