You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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