i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
