Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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