filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
