brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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