ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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