can u get pink eye on your cock?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
