smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
