I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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