If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
