if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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