Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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