you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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