There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
