I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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