both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
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I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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