I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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