3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
