i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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