i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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