so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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