I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
there is glitter all over my balls
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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