i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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