My sheets look like a crime scene.
I look better un-naked...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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