i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This toilet bowl is my home.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
