We won't sleep together?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
