Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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