Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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