counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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