I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How does one acquire holy water?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
