He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
