how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
