It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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