He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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