; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
