so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
