C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
