Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
