it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
