i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
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Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
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I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents