Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.