well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
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I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
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I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.