You're my little dorito
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.