I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
