eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
