i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.