I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.