Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.