My underwear smells like fireworks.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me