you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.