your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
