Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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