How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
