How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
