I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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