Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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