I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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