walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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