There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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