It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
