White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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