If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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