Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
